Letter to a dream…

Just now when the moon is my only companion, with her glimmering rays the wind whispers every letter of his name and with each one there is a memory attached.

I imagine you in every silhouette that hangs from my bedroom. To me you are more than a memory, more than a set of letters, more than a man; you are a part of me, you are the breath in the mornings that keeps me alive and wanting to live.

I wish I could make a vocabulary that would allow me to describe you, because that’s who you are: sweeter than the word itself, more important than importance in my heart, this humble human heart_____ that makes mistakes, that fears, that cries, that laughs____ that becomes stronger as memories pass with illusions and dreams we built together in days like these.

I wish you could hear how I beat with your songs. I wish I could be with you at least in your dreams, you are always in mine. I am sorry but I am going to have to fail you. I can’t forget you, not even a little.

You know? It hurts not to have kissed you a thousand times more, to not have whispered all those words that got stuck in my throat, to not explore your skin until I memorized it with my fingertips and my lips and my eyes.

My fingers and lips and eyes.

And my lips and my eyes.

(Eyes that have always been yours and I stole the day I was born)

Here I am once more, naked in my bedroom,

Smoking life, consuming my existence.

With dried tears on my cheeks, salted with impotence, sweetened with memories

Filled with you, with me, with us, life.

But specially with that night I will never forget and you said you wouldn’t either. All I have left is the sweetest reflection of those caresses, the shadow of your body in mine, the echo of your voice that once said:

I love you.

In living flesh with your soft tongue and lips, soft as no other, smooth like silk, filled with desire and love that might be the first and last time I feel. Because like you there is no other, like I love you, never. Because my stubbornness won’t allow me to forget you.                  Never                  I adjudicate it, because we were one before we met, body to body, soul to soul, at the same rhythm, same compass, teaching each other, because like you, it was my first time, first and last time I will make love, unless you come back one day, a day like today, a day like those where you feel something will happen and nothing ever does.

Because this time, it wasn’t just me,
naked in the room
Because you were here too,
Hours passed by like minutes
Morning came and I didn’t care
I was fading in your arms,
trembling,
I didn’t feel lost with you,
you warmed my frozen body as I did yours.
They said nothing is forever, but my ingenuity convinced me that this could be. We wanted the night to last forever.

To stay like that a lifetime____ we wanted to cheat time____ convince it that it can be extended beyond a clock, further than some clumsy watch hands, but more importantly, beyond us, beyond responsibilities.

Static in a feeling.

One of those that only great writers make us understand
that only some dare say or think, even.
Feelings I don’t want to let go
carrying dreams and hopes within them
that once entwined two lives
that sounded like honey, like anise
like your scent, the sweetest thing to exist, like you.

Someday I wrote you that I wouldn’t give up and I stand by it, for your love I would do whatever necessary.

Because I am stubbornly holding onto the castle of your soul, your golden temples, your mirror glaze that reflects me so purely.

Blurred with loneliness…

Sadness with drops of hope, diluted in the rain that wetted your body as you slept (as you slept tireless and ethereal)                dreaming of strangers that might not be sincere. I was looking for truth through a lie (I failed) one lie cost me everything, one. Only one, there’s nothing to forgive…

Does that mean you won’t?

That you didn’t?

My mind tangles up in images that I thought lost and found on an unimportant day, becoming the liquor that left my soul drunk,

Drunk of you,
To keep costume.
To keep this body alive with an incessant sharp pain.

That won’t stop stalking me every instant             every minute     becoming absurd and miserable. Turning my body into a sterile field with damned memories.

Damn the day I fell in love with you and decided to never turn back even if you went away forever!
Damn me for this incalculable fatalism that absorbs me little by little, bit by bit, too much, sometimes.

Leaving me weak, unable to open my eyes.
Damn you that you haven’t done what you promised! I don’t mean it, I couldn’t. But it makes me so mad to trust you so and   ah, a taste of my own medicine.

Bitter medicine that won’t cure any pain or this sickness of you.

Justice by your own hand.
Divine hand that touched the untouchable, the unmovable, the endless, the sacred, the feminine. Everything. Nothing… me.
I’m still dazed by the screaming illusions that sunk me tragically in panic.. that broke me, everywhere.

The echoes of your voices swallow me.

Your laugh

Your silence

Your cynic breathing wringing out whatever breath left from my chest, my sudden hesitation of forgetting you or not, because I know that there is a great chance that you will do that to me, that you will turn me into a memory, the type you seek to forget (that one pretends tries, tries, tries) that you kill me forever... from your world…

That world which I’m not sure if I ever truly belonged to.

That you turn me to dust, forgotten dust through the years, barely noticeable.

I
don’t
want
to
be
a
shadow

I
don’t
want
to
be
dust.

Oblivion.

A name you’ll hardly remember, a featureless face, voiceless, with my words of_love_ shredded in a trash can, years behind. There, where I left most of me.
I’m losing control of my senses, my words, your chords…
Your chords. The absorbing collection of notes, seducing you each night your muse wanted, collecting its dues by taking your sleep and kissing you where I never could reach.

You didn’t let me.
You didn’t give me a chance to even know that place.

That place filled with childish romantic, belated cries.

Even in another reality, I couldn’t stop thinking about you…
Having this unknown man,  sinister even.
Warmth to calm this need. Even then I couldn’t but remember you.
Memories cram noisily in my mind, they seem so real, so alive.
Your gestures make me sick, your simple vital functions palpitate deep inside me. I don’t know what to do with this obsession of memories, it’s tearing apart my senses, distorting my mind, fragmenting my words.

Where are you?

Where?

In that place where I lost you once? Inevitably.
The place you don’t want to leave, where your tears where born. Where the sweat running from your skin (god’s skin irate and eternal) was trying to take what made you feel miserable. Where you
ran                                         and ran                                  and ran                                
and when I ran you couldn’t, you wouldn’t understand me                                    and ran
And you wanted to
                                wanted to
                                                wanted to
                                                                I wanted to
Leave the pain in your footprints, on the pavement, on the dirt, on the scarce air, you wanted to stop being, I didn’t know you existed, and even without knowing, I was in-love with you, but now I pretend to forget you like smoke of a cigarette, to get your words out of my chest every time I exhale, to burn you, throw away the ashes and let you go.

I know I said I wouldn’t let myself forget you…

But I feel helpless, trapped in an alley where the only way out is a deadly solution, I can’t do this anymore, I crumble every second. Pretending is not easy, it’s a complication of reason, of feeling, of thinking, of existence. To try to avoid or to close my eyes every time I sink deeper into this hole.
I’ve thought about it, yes.
To end this definitively, to sail into a painless state.
I hardly feel the conviction to breathe, but I hold on to your breath on my lips and breathe once again as to hold on to you memory.
Since the very moment I pulled away from you, I knew this pain would come and even if it’s

days

or

months

Like now, I tie you with all my strength so you won’t sail away in the oceans of my tears, of my sobs, of my sorrows, sometimes they become wild and take over me.
They take over my feeble fleeting body.
That sometimes keeps me afoot.
Other times it screams and dissolves in silence.

You and your twilight eyes, that steal my breath every time they want.
You and your guitar voice that poisons by body.
I slide between this endless smoke trying to find you, you are always there. In the same place, with the same sweet smile, looking at me as only you can, caressing me without touch, deep, deep inside of me.
I find myself in an abyss of confusion that makes my body heavier. It hurts. It hurts so much to let go of the dreams you most wanted, but it hurts more that you don’t love me, that your love for me became liking, there is a big distance between one and the other. Everything stopped being so shinny.
The day comes and is not a miracle anymore,
                                                                is the sun’s costume,
                                                                                and I don’t feel like I’m floating away from the pavement,
now it pulls me harshly as if trying to remind me where I really belong.
I don’t feel the tears in my face anymore, there’s been so many I’m surprised I haven’t withered already...

1,2 & 3

1.

Everything is different now, dreams take me back to an ancient being that seems a stranger now.
I look at myself through the eyes of that stranger and see my true self.
I see you as something foreign; a mist of paint burns my eyes.
Yes.
You are something foreign.
A shadow that swallows my face.
A silhouette that has intoxicated my body.
Nameless, voiceless, without essence.
You don’t even belong to me.
You recognize me through the white mist and smile; featureless, with your plain face. I don’t know how you are looking at me, you have no eyes.
Your smile stares at me and I vanish before the devastating charm of your nothingness.
Suddenly I realize that I’m in that place again. I look at the sky as cerulean as that time when I wasn’t here, not really, when I read and he was kissing my forehead. I smiled back at you, but I didn’t know who you were then.
Now I think I know, I know you and you know me. Now we kiss and we like each other.

Do you know who I am?
You know me and we are here again.

Why do we do this? I close my eyes, and I hear a muffled scream, my body is yelling, warning me something, but I don’t know what it is. The image is blurry as if there was water in my eyes. I don’t know what I’m looking at, I just feel the silhouettes forming one body, one color. I sharpen my senses, but the memory doesn’t become more real, of course it’s just a memory. Nothing else. That can be diluted as time passes around me or that can stay incrusted willfully in my chest.
A memory or two.
A lifetime or two.
A life, like a tireless sea filled with memories?
Or is it a transient memory filled with lifetimes?
Lives that come and go, like an interrupted halo of light, lives that dissolve, separate or break.
I am just human.
But is there something inside me I can’t comprehend?
I kneel and feel the cold floor. It's scorching my skin.
I put my hands on the ground and give myself to it.
I give myself to this small space of ground that surrounds me wildly, that keeps trying to drag me to a place I don’t understand.
I give myself to the delirium.
How can I stop a drop of water from drying?

2.

Everything has an owner now, everything has a price. Only I belong to myself. I look through the windows and realize nothing is mine. I look at myself and I don’t recognize me. I’m afraid, I’ll admit. I know what I have to do, but the fear transforms me. Thick flows of water break the windows and drown my face. I’m alone and this loneliness is eating me gently so I can’t oppose it.
I close my eyes and fade into myself. There is no gender, there is nothing.
Only me and this reddish darkness coming through my closed eyes.
I’m scared, I claim in silence for a comforting sound, but find only the echo of my thoughts. Something is going to happen that’s for sure. But what will I be in it. I don’t know. Breathe... There’s no smell. Open your eyes, someone whispers. My mind reminds me my physical body still oscillating where that doesn’t exist.
You look at my eyes attentively. Stripping the retina, the iris. Then the fear disappears as if it never existed. You smile, and as cause and effect, I do too. Strength and passion come back to my veins. My body starts working again, my soul is no longer wandering naked through inexplicable places. I have returned, perhaps for a short time. But I am here, with you. Thinking of what exists. Thinking of your wings and how far I want you to take me with them, even If you don’t stay with me or I with you.

To fill myself with you.
For a moment to feel myself through you.
Look at myself with your eyes
Kiss myself with your mouth
Touch myself with your hands
Penetrate my fissures
And feel myself mine.
Olive green, we are olive green.

3.

-Are you all right? He asked me with his mint and anise breath

-Olive green, we are olive green. I whisper into his neck, whilst my tongue traces invisible figures that make him tremble. I remember every moment of what just happened and my body trembles as well.
This time I don’t want to close my eyes. I would sink again in a sea of thoughts, would abandon my beloved, escape to loneliness. This time I wouldn’t be able to take it.
He puts his fingers around my waist and falls asleep slowly… I do the same a couple minutes after.

It’s eleven forty-nine at night. The smoke of my cigarette fills my lungs, the taste of tobacco makes my lips tingle, my throat too. It’s a cold day, February fourth to be exact. I’m pensive, wishing I could sleep. To turn this world off, go into a different one, one that is different but yet the same. The cold won’t let me think as quick as words start forming abruptly in my head. The future, the past, the present are yelling at me constantly.

I think of you.

Of me.

Of the roads I’ll transit tomorrow. If there is one. Since today catches up to it always, as darkness besets light way before it gets there. In how I am looking for something I most likely don’t have. In how I don’t want to realize, not completely at least. I think of the words that feel so far away from me. A strange anxiousness pushes sleep away, keeping me awake, don’t know with what purpose. Maybe I should stay awake and wait to see if anything happens, as I try to convince myself every time.

Nothing ever does.
Just time.

Only time passes by. Things are as they should be, the stars travel the celestial sphere, most people sleep, dream, or they don’t remember. I write. For you, for me, for everyone. I look at myself closely in the mirror and I don’t recognize these features, as if my appearance didn’t match everything I am. Only my eyes, clear eyes that say more than they should.

When I don’t see myself I know who I am.

When I see myself, I don’t know who I am.

When someone else sees me, I can be.

In the end, there is no end. There is always something after, it’s inevitable, eternal, even if it’s not the same. Like that, just like that. Sometimes there’s no reason, no motive, just decisions, sensations. I wonder what matters most. I don’t know. To think that in a surge of emotions I was going to get rid of everything. Because I preferred to keep memories in my mind, not in my pockets. I understood after that I couldn’t touch those memories. I couldn’t wring them in my hands hoping they became real again.

I couldn’t and I can’t.

I wish I could escape these feelings, close my eyes and imagine nothing is happening.

Imagine I can feel.

I think of all the good times and I smile, despite everything. A strange confusion dirties everything, covering it with a heaviness that pours from my eyes languishingly.

The alarm clock rings and he turns it off annoyed, kisses me in the cheek, says good morning and I smile with my eyes closed. I don’t want him to see that I've been crying all night.

Oh, my love, if you knew everything that crosses my mind.

Would you look at me less sweetly?

Would you hold on to this cursed body with the same eagerness?

This cursed body filled with doubt, desires, mania, anxiousness.

Filled with fears.

Story No. 1

I woke up this morning, you were breathing warmly on my shoulder. It’s not that I wasn’t able to sleep but having you next to me hinders me from a deep sleep abandoning my senses.

The warmth of your body keeps me away from the cold. I wonder what you are dreaming, so I look at you intently. I notice your lips partly open breathing at the same rhythm; your face is calm it makes me smile carelessly.

I slip between the sheets trying not to wake you, but you hold me tight and kiss my forehead, neck, lips with softness only you can have.

I remember the day we met, how your eyes grabbed me searing your face unto me. I couldn’t stop looking at you, and when you looked at me I couldn’t stand such intensity, like flaming honey spilling from your eyes…

And when you looked at me closely my entire body trembled with excitement, in one breath I inhaled the whole world. I tried to calm myself, you noticed but I didn’t realize.

You then decided to speak to me.

And that’s how the story of my life changed drastically. You became my breath in the mornings, the thought in my every day, the smile and the touch I only imagined in solitude.

I dream of you; I hear your voice.

There is always a part of you within me. My way through the world it’s surrounded by your memories. You have walked with me the streets I once roamed alone, adding your beautiful smile to the music store windows that I looked at only on the outside.

When you said you cared for me I vanished inside, the words sank in my ears like the notes in a beautiful sonata.

When you shyly said I love you, a symphony teared apart my senses, swooned me to your lips intoxicating me with sweetness.

Time extends as we walk, with the moon dancing above us.

You make me feel so many things I didn’t know existed.

Every day I fall in love even more with the tone of your voice, your candid expressions, your nagging to my whims, the way you hold me and how I feel your arms are the safest place in the world. My face burrows in your neck, breathing you as much as I can, trying to keep your scent in a small drawer of my memory, so I can pull it out once in a while; when I miss you greatly.

I can’t wait to have you with me.

Sitting on the table with your hands on your face, the cigarette on; consuming. Your eyes are shut tight; you’re whispering words I can’t comprehend.

You listen to the sounds of my bell and raise your head up. The smile in your face brightens the room. I come near you. I’ve missed you so. I rub my face against yours while you laugh, but there is something different in your eyes.

The sky starts crying. Tears fall with poetic harshness. The wind blows the papers on your desk, I try to make you ignore them, and now a tear runs down your face. Everybody is crying and I don’t know how to do that. You look at me again; I tilt my head softly as you pet me…

I’m sorry, you say. And everything turns to madness.

You leave under the rain with boxes, all I have left is one of your old shirts that was left on the floor, it’s my favorite one, the one you used the day we meet, remember?

It smells like you. I sleep on it ever since you left.

It reminds me of the nights I would sleep on your chest. I’m reliving the memories right now. When you would tell me your secrets and my pointy ears would be charmed with the coming and going of your voice.

You’ll be back soon.

Right?

I spend my afternoons looking out the window and hope to see you walk towards the entrance with a surprise for me, there’s no more furniture to scratch, so I sharpen my nails on the window sill as I wait.

You have not returned and a woman has brought her belongings. She has taken me in, treats me gently and even gave me a cute nickname, I won’t believe you are not coming back to get me.

Everything will be as before.

We’ll sleep together, you’ll breathe on my back, warm my body during winter, tell me your secrets and I’ll make you happy with the sound of my bell, even though I lost it.

You are going to have to buy me another one ok?

I promise I won’t go anywhere else so you can find me. I want to feel that nothing else matters as long as I can look at your eyes once more.

I love you.

Cartas al pasado.

A veces siento que aún me perteneces. 

Me hundo entre recuerdos taciturnos

Donde guardo tu rostro, como un preciado objeto de aquellos días tempranos. 

Aún te siento dentro de mi, como en aquél entonces. 

Aún ahora me pregunto que habría sido de mi, de haber tomado decisiones mas certeras.

¿Aún me recuerdas como te recuerdo yo a ti, intempestivamente?

¿Aún guardas celosamente mi fotografía?

A veces quisiera despertar en una realidad alterna, donde me quedé contigo, donde tus enormes ojos cobrizos, me decían todo aquello que el mundo ocultaba celosamente. 

Donde tu abrazo, por delgado que fuese, me envolvía completamente como en un sueño.

Como en un sueño, de esas tardes de verano, en las que simplemente te quedas dormido en cualquier parte, donde el calor te va arruyando dulcemente sin que puedas notarlo, donde apareces de repente y me llevas a otros mundos.

Ahora, no es verano, ni debo pensarte, 

Pero aún vienes a mi en en sueños, y en mis sueños todo es como solía ser

Las partes que me gustaban de ese pasado que parece ahora se desvanece de entre mis dedos como gotas de agua cayendo violentamente en una tormenta.

Aún ahora, desearía besarte, pero en otro universo que no sea este, donde todo ocurrió de maneras distintas, donde nos rompimos el corazón, donde te alejé con mi insensatez y mis miedos que me engullían en silencio, de donde tu quisiste salvarme, pero ya era muy tarde...

Aún te guardo ese "te quiero" como entonces, en un rincón de mi corazón. 

No te he olvidado, tus manos, tus labios, tus ojos, tu voz. 

Hay tantos recuerdos... estaba tan enamorada de ti, que creo que aún ahora ese amor nunca terminó de salir de mi.

Eras mío... y no puedo terminar de aceptar que ahora eres de alguién más. 

Y esque ese amor que yo te tenía era demasiado grande, tan grande, que aún ahora se niega a desvancerse.

Siempre que creo que me he olvidado de ti, miro tu rostro y entiendo que no es así, que más bien, quisiera olvidarte, pero una parte de mi no me lo permite.

3.

-Elena, ¿estas bien? Pregunta con su aliento a menta y anís.

-Verde olivo, somos verde olivo. Susurro en su cuello, mientras mi lengua traza figuras invisibles que erizan su piel. Recuerdo cada instante que acaba de ocurrir y mi piel se eriza también, esta vez no quiero cerrar los ojos. Me hundiría de nuevo en un mar de pensamientos. Abandonaría a mi amado, escaparía a mi soledad. Esta vez no lo soportaría. Alberto posa sus dedos alrededor de mi cintura y lentamente se va quedando dormido... yo hago lo mismo unos minutos despues.

Son las once cuarenta y nueve de la noche. El humo del cigarrillo inunda mis pulmones, el sabor del tabaco hormiguea ligeramente en mis labios. En mi garganta. Es un día frío, un cuatro de febrero para ser exactos. Estoy cavilando tantas cosas a la vez, quisiera simplemente dormir. Apagar este mundo. Entrar en uno que sea tan diferente y tan igual al mismo tiempo. El frío que no me deja pensar con la rapidez con la que las palabras se van formando abruptamente en mi cabeza. El futuro, el pasado, el presenta que me grita constantemente.

Pienso en ti.

En mí.

En los caminos que transitare mañana. Si es que existe. Ya que el hoy lo alcanza siempre, como la obscuridad que asecha a la luz, desde mucho antes de que llegue. En como busco algo que seguramente no tengo. En como no quiero darme cuenta, no por completo al menos. Pienso en aquellas palabras que a veces siento tan ajenas a mí. Una extraña ansiedad aleja el sueño, me mantiene despierta, no sé con que propósito. Tal vez deba permanecer despierta y aguardar a que algo ocurra, como intento convencerme cada vez que esto ocurre. Nunca pasa nada, sólo el tiempo.

Sólo el tiempo transcurre. Las cosas son como deben ser, las estrellas recorren la bóveda celeste, la mayoría de personas duermen, algunas sueñan, otras tantas no, o no lo recuerdan. Yo escribo. Para mí, para ti, para todos. Me miro al espejo detenidamente. No reconozco las facciones, como si mi apariencia no concordara con todo lo que soy. Sólo mis ojos, sólo estos ojos cristalinos que dicen más de lo que deberían.

Cuando no me miro sé quien soy.

Cuando me miro, no sé quien soy.

Cuando alguién más me mira, puedo ser.

Al final, no hay final. Siempre algo pasa después, así de inevitable es, así de eterno, aunque ya no sea lo mismo. Así. Sólo así. A veces, no hay razones, no hay motivos, solo decisiones, solo sensaciones. Me pregunto que importa más. No lo sé. Pensar que en un arranque de emociones iba a deshacerme de todo. Porque preferí guardar mis recuerdos en mi mente, no en mis bolsillos. Después comprendí que esos recuerdos no podía tocarlos. No podía estrujarlos en mis manos, esperando que se volvieran reales de nuevo. No podía y no puedo.

Quisiera escapar de estos sentimientos, cerrar los ojos e imaginar que nada sucede, imaginar que no puedo sentir. Pienso en los buenos momentos y sonrio, a pesar de todo, una extraña confusión lo enturbia todo, convirtiéndolo en una pesadez que brota de mis ojos lánguidamente.

Suena el despertador y Alberto lo apaga de mala gana, me da un beso en la mejilla, me da los buenos días, yo sonrío con los ojos cerrados, no quiero que se de cuenta de que he estado llorando amargamente toda la noche.

Oh amor mío, si supieras todo lo que pasa por mi mente, ¿me mirarías con menos dulzura? ¿te aferrarías menos a mi cuerpo maldito? tan lleno de dudas, de deseos, de manías, de ansiedades. Lleno de miedos.

2.

Ahora todo tiene dueño, todo tiene un precio. Solo yo me pertenezco. Miro por las ventanas y me doy cuenta de que nada es mío. Me miro y no me reconozco. Tengo miedo, lo admito. Sé lo que tengo que hacer, pero el miedo me transforma. Gruesos caudales rompen las ventanas e inundan mi rostro. Estoy solo y esta soledad me engulle cariñosamente para no oponer resistencia.

Cierro los ojos y me desvanezco en mí mismo. No hay género, no hay nada.
Solo yo y la obscuridad rojiza que penetra en mis ojos cerrados.
Tengo miedo, clamo en silencio por un sonido reconfortante, pero solo encuentro el eco de mis pensamientos. Algo pasará, eso es seguro. Pero que seré yo en ese algo, no lo sé. Respiro. No hay olor. Abre los ojos, alguien me susurra. Mi cuerpo me recuerda mi físico femenino. Mi mente sigue oscilando donde eso no existe.

Me miras con atención a los ojos. Desnudas mi retina, mi iris. Y el miedo se disipa como si no hubiese existido. Sonríes, como causa y efecto, también yo lo hago. La fuerza y la pasión vuelven a mis venas. Mi cuerpo vuelve a funcionar, mi alma no vaga desnuda por lugares inexplicables. He regresado, tal vez por un corto periodo de tiempo. Pero estoy aquí, contigo. Pensando en lo que existe. Pensando en tus alas y en lo lejos que quiero que me lleves, auqnue al final no te quedes conmigo, o yo contigo.

Llenarme de ti.

Por un momento sentirme a través de ti.

Mirarme con tus ojos.

Besarme con tu boca.

Tocarme con tus manos.

Penetrar en mis hendiduras.

Y sentirme tan mía como soy.

Verde olivo, somos verde olivo.

1.

              Todo es diferente ahora, los sueños me remiten a un antiguo ser que ahora parece un extraño. Me miro a través de los ojos de este extraño y me doy cuenta de mi verdadero ser...

En este momento te miro como algo lejano, una niebla de pintura quema mis ojos. Si, eres algo lejano, una sombra que inunda mi rostro, una silueta que embriaga mi cuerpo, sin nombre, sin esencia, sin voz.
Ni siquiera me perteneces, me reconoces de entre la blancura y sonríes, sin facciones en tu rostro plano, no sé como me miras, no tienes ojos. Tu sonrisa me mira. Perezco ante el devastador encanto de tu nada.

Repentinamente me doy cuenta de que estoy en ese lugar, de nuevo. Miro el cielo tan celeste como aquella vez en la que no estaba aquí realmente, como cuando yo leía. Y el besaba mi frente.
Te sonreí, pero en ese entonces no sabía quien eras.
Ahora creo que lo sé. Te conozco y tú me conoces. Ahora nos besamos y nos queremos.

¿Tú sabes quién soy yo?
Me conoces y estamos aquí otra vez.

¿Por qué hacemos lo que hacemos? Cierro los ojos, escucho un grito ahogado, mi cuerpo grita advirtiéndome algo, pero no sé lo que es. La imagen es borrosa, como si hubiera agua en mis ojos. No sé lo que veo, solo siento las siluetas en la obscuridad, dos siluetas que forman un mismo ser, un mismo color. Aguzo mis sentidos, pero el recuerdo no se vuelve más real, claro que es solo un recuerdo. Nada más. Que puede diluirse con el paso del tiempo a mi alrededor o que puede quedarse incrustado caprichosamente en mi pecho. Un recuerdo o dos.
Una vida o dos.
¿Una vida como un mar incansable lleno de recuerdos?
¿O un recuerdo transitorio lleno de vidas?
Vidas que van y vienen, como en un halo de luz interrumpido, vidas que se diluyen, que se separan o se rompen.

Simplemente soy un ser humano.
¿Pero acaso hay algo más dentro de mí que no logro comprender?

Me arrodillo y siento el piso helado calcinando mi piel, pongo mis manos en el suelo y me entrego a él. Me entrego a este pequeño espacio de tierra que me envuelve salvajemente, que intenta arrastrarme a un lugar que no comprendo.

Me abandono a ese delirio.

"¿Cómo puede uno evitar que una gota de agua se seque?"